Parenting Children

People are not born knowing how to share. It is a learned skill, and it is a skill. Many adults have still not mastered sharing and I am sure you know some of them. In the Pre-operational stage (Toddler and Early Childhood) egocentric thinking predominates, meaning your child does not know anyone else has needs or wants besides them.
You need to help your child learn to share.

Demonstrate sharing yourself. If you have a snack and your child wants some, let her have some and tell her “Oh, you would like some of my snack, okay I will share with you”. This lets your child hear and see that you are sharing.
Go off and play with one of their toys, they will come over and want to play with you, say “Let’s play together and share the toys”.
This is especially important if you have an only child, you have to be a peer and share for them to learn to do the same.

When they do share, praise them. Say “good job letting your friend have some crackers, that is good sharing”. Give them positive attention and you will get positive behaviors.
They will see that sharing gets a positive reaction and make them feel good.
Of course children will not always want to share all of the time and that is normal and okay. If you see your child doesn’t want to share or is having a hard time with sharing redirect their attention to something else and try again later.

sharing, teaching kids to share, toddlers, kids, parenting, parenting children, preschoolers

Summer is officially here and my children couldn’t be happier. I, on the other hand love summer but dread the things that go with it like bug bites, diligently watching kids by the water and skinned knees. I have armed myself with ointments, band aids and bug spray in preparation this year. Mommydocs.com has some great summer safety tips for your family:

Have a Sun Protection Strategy: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends sunscreen with a minimum Sun Protection Factor (SPF) of 15. Look for products that provide “broad spectrum” coverage to protect against both UVA and UVB rays. Use this sunscreen routine with your child–daily application 30 minutes before going outside and reapplication every 2 hours (or sooner if swimming, toweling off, or sweating). Creating a routine will establish good habits for the future. In addition, don’t forget a wide brim hat, sunglasses with 99-100% UVA/UVB protection, and sun protective clothing.

Keep Pests off Your Little One: In the summer, many insects can bite or sting your child. For pesky mosquitoes and ticks, consider a DEET containing insect repellant. Apply sparingly to exposed skin (avoid backs of hands and around the eyes and mouth) and/or to clothing once a day. As the percentage of DEET goes up, the duration of action increases. To prevent unnecessary exposure, always use the lowest percentage that will last for the planned length of time spent outdoors. Never go above 30% or use on children under 2 months old. (I wasn’t meticulous about this one and my son had chigger bites all down his legs from the park just last week!)

Keep the Pool Cool and Clean: Small yard pools provide a great way for kids to have fun and cool down when the temperature rises, but they can also harbor germs, such as bacteria. To keep the pool free from unwanted “swimmers,” after each use disinfect it with bleach by cleaning with a solution of ¾ cup regular bleach to one gallon of water, then rinse well and dry thoroughly. Safety must: Always supervise children regardless of age when they are around any water; whether it’s a bucket, a small backyard plastic pool, or the local community pool.

High Heat Means Hydrate: Excessive heat exposure may cause your child to experience a heat-related illness such as heat cramps, heat exhaustion, or even heat stroke. How to prevent this: take breaks in the shade, avoid playing outside during peak sun exposure hours, and drink, drink, drink! Make sure your child is taking in plenty of fluids before he become thirsty.

Rid Rashes and Relieve Itchies: Running through the yard in bare feet, taking a nature walk on a trail, and picnicing in the park are some of the joys of warmer weather. But all of this outdoor activity can expose your child to a host of plants including those which cause poison ivy, poison oak or poison sumac. If an allergic reaction occurs, ask the pediatrician about an oral antihistamine and/or a topical skin care product such as a steroid cream or calamine. If the rash is extensive, looks infected, or is not getting better, call your doctor right away.

What are your mommy survival tips on summer safety?

mommydocs, summer, summer safety, summer safety tips, summer fun, parenting, moms

Since I had my twins in 2003, I have had three pediatricians. We lost one when we moved and the new one here left a bad taste in my mouth. You rarely got to see the doctor and the physician assistants or nurse practitioners were rude and would question me on things like my vaccination choices and the occasional use of a bottle for my two year old son. So, now we are on our third kid doctor!

I know that doctors are only human, they make mistakes and have their own opinions. I know that they don’t always know the newest procedures or medications, only the ones who chose to read and/or learn about them do. I don’t have a problem telling a doctor what I want or don’t want, or questioning them on why they want to do something especially when it comes to my children.

A recent article on CNN talks about when it is OK to question your pediatrician’s advice. I think questioning your pediatrician is fine especially when it comes to opinions on parenting, like when to take away a bottle or pacifier. That is something, I think, is up to the parent and the child since no child is the same. Ask for different options, if your doctor is not willing to give you any then change doctors. You need to find a good fit for you and your family.
Do you question or interview your doctors before choosing them and do you question their advice?

pediatricians, choosing your doctor, choosing a pediatrician, pregnancy, infants, kids, parenting, parenting children

My car trip with three kids under the age of 5 went well. I have never traveled alone with them before, so I was nervous. Last time I talked about some tips and tricks for flying with kids, today I want to talk about road trips with kids.

Leave extra time. You know how long it takes to get out of the house to just go to the grocery store! Allow extra time to change a diaper right before you leave, make bottles and remind everyone to go to the bathroom and run back in the house to get what you inevitably left inside.
We knew we would have to stop to go to the bathroom and eat so we added an extra hour for our arrival time.

Bring snacks and games. Keeping kids full and busy will help you and them out. Something easy to eat like granola bars or apples are good. We brought our kids little computers, books our portable dvd player and we played car games like I spy.

Pack wisely. Make sure you bring an extra plastic or garbage bag for trash and an extra set of clothes handy in case there is an accident or spill. Bring some kid CDs as well as ones you like for when they fall asleep.
Put what you need on the front seat so you can easily reach it.

Tell me about the good and bad road trips you have had with your kids.

road trips, traveling, traveling with kids, parenting, toddlers, babies, kids travel

The truth is my children really haven’t had many tantrums. I have been lucky, because with twins usually one sets the other off. They have had a couple, in public mostly (of course!) and I thought I have handled it correctly. I have seem some major tantrums in public before and by kids who are old enough not to be throwing tantrums anymore. What sets off a child to get to a tantrum state and how do you diffuse the situation?

Tantrums usually occur when a child wants something and is frustrated because they cannot have it right away. The problem is with each episode the tantrums often get worse in their intensity, duration, and frequency. It is so tempting to just give the child what he wants to stop the behavior, especially if you are in public, but that just teaches the child they will get what they want if they cry long enough or hard enough. Tantrums are a learned behavior.
You need to identify what the triggers are for your child and try and diffuse them before a full out tantrum begins.

If your child throws a fit, then ignore them and even leave the room. Make sure they are safe though, and they are not going to hurt themselves. Make sure they have a safe place to be in while they are having their tantrum. When they are finally calm explain to them why they didn’t get what they wanted, and remind them of a time they did get something they wanted.
Make sure you reinforce their good behaviors throughout the day.

Do you have any tips or tricks for tantrums?

tantrums, parenting, toddlers, terrible twos

Summer is officially here and my children couldn’t be happier. I, on the other hand love summer but dread the things that go with it like bug bites, diligently watching kids by the water and skinned knees. I have armed myself with ointments, band aids and bug spray in preparation this year. Momdocs.com has some great summer safety tips for your family:

Have a Sun Protection Strategy: The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends sunscreen with a minimum Sun Protection Factor (SPF) of 15. Look for products that provide “broad spectrum” coverage to protect against both UVA and UVB rays. Use this sunscreen routine with your child–daily application 30 minutes before going outside and reapplication every 2 hours (or sooner if swimming, toweling off, or sweating). Creating a routine will establish good habits for the future. In addition, don’t forget a wide brim hat, sunglasses with 99-100% UVA/UVB protection, and sun protective clothing.

Keep Pests off Your Little One: In the summer, many insects can bite or sting your child. For pesky mosquitoes and ticks, consider a DEET containing insect repellant. Apply sparingly to exposed skin (avoid backs of hands and around the eyes and mouth) and/or to clothing once a day. As the percentage of DEET goes up, the duration of action increases. To prevent unnecessary exposure, always use the lowest percentage that will last for the planned length of time spent outdoors. Never go above 30% or use on children under 2 months old. (I wasn’t meticulous about this one and my son had chigger bites all down his legs from the park just last week!)

Keep the Pool Cool and Clean: Small yard pools provide a great way for kids to have fun and cool down when the temperature rises, but they can also harbor germs, such as bacteria. To keep the pool free from unwanted “swimmers,” after each use disinfect it with bleach by cleaning with a solution of ¾ cup regular bleach to one gallon of water, then rinse well and dry thoroughly. Safety must: Always supervise children regardless of age when they are around any water; whether it’s a bucket, a small backyard plastic pool, or the local community pool.

High Heat Means Hydrate: Excessive heat exposure may cause your child to experience a heat-related illness such as heat cramps, heat exhaustion, or even heat stroke. How to prevent this: take breaks in the shade, avoid playing outside during peak sun exposure hours, and drink, drink, drink! Make sure your child is taking in plenty of fluids before he become thirsty.

Rid Rashes and Relieve Itchies: Running through the yard in bare feet, taking a nature walk on a trail, and picnicing in the park are some of the joys of warmer weather. But all of this outdoor activity can expose your child to a host of plants including those which cause poison ivy, poison oak or poison sumac. If an allergic reaction occurs, ask the pediatrician about an oral antihistamine and/or a topical skin care product such as a steroid cream or calamine. If the rash is extensive, looks infected, or is not getting better, call your doctor right away.

What are your mommy survival tips on summer safety?

mommydocs, summer, summer safety, summer safety tips, summer fun, parenting, moms

I always knew I was going to breastfeed this baby. When a breastfeeding mom asked me if I would breastfeed or bottle feed and I told them I would nurse, they would get so excited and tell me all the pros of breastfeeding. the one that was on everyone’s list was “It is so easy you can do it anywhere”. Indeed you can, but how? I am no a prude but I want to be discreet and comfortable at the same time.
Here are some ideas on how to nurse your baby in public.

Buy a . There are so many out there now and they come in great patterns and colors. They are inexpensive and are great to keep in the diaper bag or car. If you don’t want a cover try a breastfeeding bonnet for baby. It will keep baby’s little head out of the sun and cover your up as well.
Join a Nursing Support group. They have lactation consultants on hand to help you breastfeed properly and you can meet some other moms with little ones as well.
Get some great nursing wear. Nursing clothing has come a long way in the last few years. There are many great choices now and a few key pieces can go alone way.
Just do it. I was nervous the first time I nursed in public and I kept looking around making sure nobody was staring or nothing was showing. Silly, I know because I am just feeding a baby. Practice nursing in public. You are more aware of your nursing than anyone else.
Find a comfortable area (this has been my hardest task. You should be able to rent breastfeeding pillows when you are out!) and just go for it.
the more you do it, the more confident you will be and the easier it will be for you and the baby!

Do you have any tips for breastfeeding in public?

I admit it, I am addicted to the mom confessional sites that are out there. I have spent days reading them to write about them here and it has not been a chore. It is fascinating to me what moms will confess only if it is anonymous. Could we ever admit these things to our husbands, best friends or mother or are we still under the illusion we need to be “perfect” wives and mothers?

Let’s face it moms are so hard on other moms. It is hard to break into a new friendship with moms in my experience and other moms are quick to judge. Is it because we only think our parenting choices are the correct ones or because we know we are lacking in certain parental areas?
Sites like truemomconfessions.com , true wife confessions and herbadmothersbasement.com are wildly popular and addictive. There are confessions ranging from:
I tell my newborn to shut up sometimes… to I refuse to have sex with even a ray of light in the room because I am so ashamed of the way my vulva looks. I wish I could afford a labiaplasty.
Women do not have the market on this type of confessional site either, try reading truedadconfessions.com to get an insight into your husband’s or your friend’s husband’s thoughts.

How can we support these women with a comment on a blog or a “me too” through the internet but cannot or do not in real life?
So tell me, are you addicted to these sites like I am? Do you confess on them or on your own blog? Finally, how do you think we can support the women we know, judgment free, in our own lives?

mom confessions, confessional websites, moms, SAHMS, WAHMS, parenting, mothering, parenting children, moms who judge

If you are anything like me, you do not like traditional parenting books. Of course I have read a few in my day when I had problems with sleeping or potty training but to me, they are usually all the same. Since all kids are different and respond to things differently so, I like to wing it. That made me excited to review “The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting” from MotherTalk, to see if someone who is not a parent at all, can help parent a child.

It takes a village all right, or at least one gay uncle as this book will let you believe. Brett Berk, who was a was a teacher and director and is now a research consultant for producers of children’s toys and media, takes you through the journey on the outskirts of parenting children and what you are doing wrong and right. Everything from real life examples for toilet training, bed time, sibling rivalry and bad food habits and more. He does it in a humorous manner so you will be laughing throughout this book.

I don’t agree with everything he had to say, but I have never agreed with the an entire parenting book before. After all, he is still just and Uncle and gets to leave at the end of the day!

The Gay Uncle’s Guide to Parenting, parenting, parenting children. book reviews, parenting books, moms, dads

When I was pregnant with the twins, my last month of pregnancy was miserable. I was huge, sleeping, walking and sitting had become uncomfortable. Doing anything was a chore, I just wanted them out. This time around I am feeling great, besides a little tired and trying to enjoy the last weeks of pregnancy of my life. I am awaiting the time when I am so uncomfortable that I am done so I did a little research on what to do to give labor a little nudge.

Walk. Everyone says to walk to try and stimulate labor. I guess it is gravity’s pull coupled with the sway of your hips that can bring that baby down into the pelvis.

Nipple stimulation. Ouch! Experts say this can release your body’s oxytocin and start contractions. I am not sure I would try this no matter how far along I am, but never say never.

Herbal teas. Raspberry leaf tea is one I have always heard of trying to bring on labor. We tried it with my sister at nine months though and no luck. You should always check with your doctor though before trying any herbs or herb teas becvause soem can cause harm to your baby.

Sex. this is the one I always heard that works, but maybe it is just men feeding into this rumor. Semen does contain prostaglandin which can stimulate contractions. I guess if you are physically able to, have some fun and do it.

Do you have any tried and true recipes for getting the baby out?

I think the best and worst part of parenting is that there is no right or wrong way to do it. Everyone has their own ideas about what is best for their family or their children. I love that parenting should be a community thing, advice from other mothers I have met, aunts, family members and my own mother, have been invaluable. Here are some tips I have for other mothers on parenting:

Make time to create a photo album. You will not experience these memories again, so take the time, even 15 minutes per week to make a photo album or scrapbook.

Show your Kids you are in love. Kiss your partner, tell him you love him in front of your kids. Let them see your love. I wouldn’t shelter kids from all disagreements you may have either, let them see how you can argue and but let them see you make up too.

Never let hitting be ok. Hitting, biting and aggression can be normal in toddlers. Never let him hit you and make sure they always know it is not ok to hurt someone else.

Watch what you say. Even the youngest children can pick up bad word from you and you never know when or where they will repeat them!

Make sleep easier for both of you. Put your child to bed awake as soon as possible,. That teaches your child to self soothe and is important if you don’t want to rock your child to sleep until they are 6. Also try letting them sleep in different places, this will help you if you ever want to leave the house overnight.

Trust your instincts. Whether it is with picking a day care provider, letting your kids ride the bus or go for her first sleep over, trust what you feel is best. You are the one who knows your child best. If you feel strange about leaving your child with someone, don’t leave them, even if you feel silly for being overprotective.

What are your best parenting tips or parenting ideals you live by?

parenting, parenting children, parenting tips, parenting advice, moms, SAHM, WAHM, Dads, fathers, fatherhood, teaching children

Tomorrow September 19, 2007 is National ADHD Awareness Day. To get more information on ADHD, I have an expert who will be answering questions, concerns and giving information to all of us on this disorder.

If you have any questions on diagnosis, medications or anything else for the expert, please leave them in the comments or email them to me.

ADHD, parenting, families, kids with ADHD, kids

My son has a bad habit that I am hoping all the parents out there could help me with. He is only four so I never expected a bad habit to appear so soon, of course with a boy I expected as he got older there would be belching, maybe gas issues and a addiction to ESPN that would rival his father’s. None of that has appeared, yet.

A couple of weeks ago he started biting his nails. What is up with a four year old who can’t keep his hands out of his mouth, I mean he still has dimples for knuckles for crying our loud!
At least it is not as bad as a two year old who can’t keep his hands out of his diaper.
Now I am at a loss of how to break him of this gross habit. I threatened him with awful tasting nail polish that my mother threatened my sister with many years ago, but do they really even make that? Or is it the equivalent of the toothfairy for nail biters? Am I going to have to put him in a 12 step program for pint size biters?

So wise parents, what can I do to help him save his poor fingers and my sanity?

parenting, preschoolers, nail biters, stop nail biting, parenting advice, kids

My first Ask A Mom letter comes from a nice new mom in Oregon. She wants to know “how should I put my child to sleep? Is it necessary to have a night time routine, or do I just put her to bed when it is her bedtime?”

This is a great question. You could just put your baby to sleep, but since you didn’t give the age of the child in question, I suggest starting a bedtime routine with your child as young as three months.

There are various things you can do to soothe your baby into nightly slumbers and I will tell you what worked for me.
A nice bath. Don’t under estimate a nice relaxing bath before bed. There are so many nice bath soaps and lotions on the market now that are calming, take advantage of them.
Follow the bath up with some lotion and a massage for your child.
You love massages, so will your child.

Then if it was time for a bottle I would give one to my child in his room with dim lighting. Maybe even some music. I would always play classical music at bedtime and as my children got older they recognized this music as nap or bedtime. You could always use a crib cd player or the music of his mobile.

As my children got a little older, I would read them stories before bed and now that they are four they prefer my husband singing silly songs with his guitar before bed. If he is not here at bedtime, I still read them books.

Here are soem tips to keep a sleeping baby sleeping. keep the room at a comfortable temperature, not cold but cool. Try some white noise like a fan, sound machine or humidifier. My husband would still love to sleep with the sound of a fan every night!

That should make any person want to tuck themselves into the covers and snuggle down at bedtime for a full 10 hours sleep!
I hope this helps you, Oregon.

So, help this mom out, what are your bedtime routines?

babies, infants, toddlers, bedtime, bedtime routines, baths, baby baths, children, moms, parenting, parents, sleep